What man hasn't forgotten to put the toilet seat down every now and then? That's certainly no reason to flush an entire relationship. After taking some time to experience the quality of the other "fish in the sea", you've decided that your ex-husband wasn't so bad after all. So now you find yourself asking, "How do I get my ex-husband back"?
The first thing to do is honestly and openly evaluate what caused the failed marriage in the first place. Was it you who caused the divorce, was your ex-husband responsible, or maybe you both share the blame? If he was to blame, you must have already come to terms with the situation, or you wouldn't be wanting him back. If you were responsible, will your ex-husband accept your apologies and be able to forgive and forget? What kind of marriage did you have before the events that led to the divorce? Will each of you be able to look deep into your heart and remember the feelings of happiness and joy brought about by the good things in your failed marriage? Will you both be able to look past the low points? Has enough water passed under the bridge to enable healing if there were any sins that may have occurred? There is no doubt that time does heal all wounds.
And don't forget, if the two of you brought children into your marriage, they must be at the forefront of any decisions that you make. If the children would be happy to have their father back in the home, and if it would be in their best interest to have him back, then by all means let them help you make your case. Just be careful if and when you involve the children, as your efforts could backfire if your ex-husband feels you are using the kids to influence him. If you are currently on speaking terms why not try to arrange a get together in a nice quiet place where you and the ex-husband can meet without feeling threatened in any way. You might try choosing a place that triggers pleasant memories for both of you.
If your ex-husband questions your motivations for wanting to get together, position it as a meeting of importance for the entire family. A meeting that cannot be best served by a telephone conversation. Be sure you know exactly what you want to say. You might even make yourself an outline similar to that of a business presentation.The reality of the matter is that this meeting is actually more important than any business meeting you'll ever attend. Rehearse what you want to say and be sure you can speak your mind without hesitation, just do your best to be genuine with your delivery.
Be sure that you can verbalize a list of reasons why you feel it is beneficial for both of you to get back together. You could propose a trial period in which you could both test the waters without being tied to a firm commitment. If your ex-husband was to blame for the failed marriage be sure to communicate your unconditional forgiveness. If you were to blame be sure to offer your sincerest apologies and ask your ex-husband for forgiveness.
If he accepts your request for a meeting you've taken a huge first step towards reconciliation. This is a sign that he harbors no serious resentments towards you and is willing to consider your best interest. If your ex-husband was seriously hurt and is resentful, he will probably not consider a meeting. Be sure not to do, or say anything that may make it seem that you are begging, pleading or otherwise trying to take advantage of his good nature. He would probably see through this behavior immediately making it more difficult for you to connect with him on a deeper level. If a meeting is out of the question for whatever reason you could enlist the help of a third party. A religious figure such as a priest, pastor, rabbi, etc would be the obvious place to start. If you are not a religious couple, try to involve a mutual friend or family member, and ask them to speak for you.
Your ex-husbands parents could be important advocates for you if you had a good relationship with them during your marriage. Don't hesitate to ask them for help if you need it. The bottom line is to be creative in your approach while at the same time being genuine in your reasons for wanting to reconcile.
No comments:
Post a Comment