With a US divorce rate at 50 per cent, and the UK not far behind, the old idea of mum, dad and 2.2 kids is becoming outdated. In the near future, most families will comprise a single or step-parent, kids from previous relationships, perhaps on both sides, plus an ever-expanding group of grandparents, aunts, uncles - and, of course, exes. Some people find the transition from raising a child as one half of a couple to post-breakup parenting relatively easy. But for many, it's tough. If your breakup was a nasty one, if one partner left for a new man or woman, if money or property or custody or access are contentious issues, maintaining a friendly (or at the very least, civil) relationship with your ex can be incredibly challenging.
But for your child's sake, it's vital that you try and maintain this relationship. I know, because I've been there. For over a decade now, I've been a separated father, seeing my son every other weekend (I wrote a story about it for the Guardian, if you'd like to know more). Over the years, my son's mother and I have argued about everything from his toilet training to secondary schools - but we have never fallen out. Despite at times wishing the other would emigrate to Mars, we have always communicated and tried to find a compromise.
We communicate regularly, have a flexible arrangement about who has him when, and do our very best to put his needs before our own. Sometimes, we have failed, but we've always done our best and I'm proud of us both for that. If you find yourself in this situation, remember that your kids didn't want or ask you to separate. They love and need you both, so try never to badmouth your ex to them, no matter how exasperated you get.?
And remember that, however impossible it may seem at first, it does get easier.
