What Happens to Your Mind After a Break Up and Why You Should Be Excited!

When someone breaks up with you a few things happen:

1. You feel rejected and we automatically want more of what we cannot have, so even if before you didn't really have feelings for the other person when someone rejects you or leaves you we automatically view them as more valuable and more attractive.

2. You automatically find it hard to believe that there is anyone else out there that you can even compare them too. You are basically worried or find difficult to believe that you'll find someone out there that you can feel the same way about. This also makes things worse by causing you to see them as even more valuable.

There is always some one that will make you feel the same way and better I promise! You have to realize this and keep your head up!

Know that it's a learning process and things didn't work out because you were meant to learn something from this! So reflect, take a little time to see what happened, learn and immediately take that person out of your thoughts and move on!

Easier said than done I know, but know that you're changing and growing daily and they are not! In a few weeks you'll have already evolved and know that what happen was definitely for the best and that they were not good for you so smile! Keep your head up and be excited about who's in store for you next! Remember it is all practice!

For more information check out the free video link below!

Marriage After Divorce - Getting Ready to Take the Plunge Again? Here's 3 Tips

This might be the last thing you might think about after getting a divorce. People out of a divorce usually do not think about remarriage instantly because their first priority is to get out to life and to restore the balance in their daily routines.

Healing and embracing life again is a priority but at the end you want to start dating again in order to find someone special to continue your life with.

After the first horrible days you might want to take a cold plunge into the dating scene again. You might be excited because you have found someone who cares for you but you feel cautious at the same time because of your previous experience. What to do?

You have to decide quickly and these three tips will help you decide if you want to get a marriage after divorce or not.

- Think deeply about your next soul mate: The divorce had happened for a reason. The reasons vary from an individual to another. They might be cheating, lost interest, incompatibility or even sexual orientations. It is true that your heart will pick your soul mate put you have to think about it and decide upon what your mind tells you.
- Do not jump into conclusions: You might want to finish all things quickly because you do not want to lose time. At first things seem to be ideal, your new girlfriend or boyfriend seems perfect, and you might think you are in heaven. Do you remember that you had these emotions in your previous relationship that failed? They might be even better and more intense but now you have a dark spot in your life named divorce. You have to be reasonable in your reactions, take things slowly and wait until the first weeks have gone. You have to spend more time together, talk to each other honestly to discover all the details about your lives.
- Avoid prejudice: It is natural for someone who had endured through a painful breakup or a divorce to assume that all relationships will eventually fail because they see that despite all the love, passion and dedication they have shown they eventually were separated. Be open-minded and do not make assumptions. There are happy couples who still happy after decades of marriage. Try to relax, enjoy your time and pick your soul mate after consulting your mind and heart.

Remarriage after divorce might be a wonderful experience if you left prejudice, doubt and give your new soul mate from your heart and soul. Everyone is different and your might be destined to have the perfect marriage of your life after a painful divorce.

How to Talk to Women Post Divorce

Talking is something that we do every day; yet when it comes to the opposite sex, men sometimes find it difficult. Some men need to be taught how to talk to women as they may "clam up" or say too much. This may result in embarrassment, even fear, when talking to women.

Smooth Operator

Confidence is very important to ensure success with a woman. Women like men who are daring and fun to be around. Younger women like men who think highly of themselves. They desire men that are slightly unavailable: In other words, men who think they are more important than their women. It suggests to women that they are valuable and that other women desire you. You could easily walk away from her if you wanted to; this intrigues women.

When learning how to talk to women, your approach is a good place to start. The age and wisdom of an older man brings a wealth of knowledge to his partner and this is something that women do appreciate.

Women however do not want to feel like they are dating a boring old man. So be exciting, show them that you do and are fun and adventurous; do activities like visiting amusement parks and being playful around her. This will show your youthful exuberance. Remember you are a tremendous blend of wisdom and fun; a combination of age and youth. This makes you very desirable to women and it will also give you interesting things to discuss together.

Women As Friends

Earlier it was said that confidence is key and that women will be drawn to you if they think other women like you. The next phase of learning how to talk to women is to associate with some women as strictly friends.

This way there is no pressure on you to be extra suave as you are simply socializing with them. This also gives an opportunity to observe how they interact with each other and men in general. This will help you to practice how to talk to women and help you gain confidence while talking with them.

Socializing with women in public places makes talking to women even easier for you. This way, they will come to you reducing the pressure on you. Remember, this makes you look more valuable to them. Your female friends have essentially branded you as socially important and women prefer these men.

Never appear in a social hotspot like a club or a party alone or without a friend nearby. It makes you seem alone and sad. Always display confidence when talking to a woman; remember they like men who are socially valuable. Do fun and interesting activities and display both youthfulness and maturity. This way you will have different things to talk about. Women like experienced men but they don't want to date their grandpa, so try to find a good balance.

Now this is very important, do not tell her everything about yourself in your first meeting. Leave her wanting more, be a bit mysterious. This intrigues women and makes you more desirable. Follow these guidelines and you should have no problem understanding how to talk to women.

Support for Divorced Fathers

Support for divorced fathers is thin on the ground in most countries. The reasons behind this are varied and complex and there is a variety of support that fathers who are now divorced form their wives need to help them cope and to help their children cope with it all too.

Financial - I will not get too far into an argument about the law, child support and so forth. All I have to say is that the vast majority of divorced fathers are not deadbeat dads. They care for their kids as best as they can and it can still hurt financially to their own lives and to what they can help their children with as well.

Emotional - Dealing with feelings of being a terrible father, coping with the emotional impact of losing your wife who was your emotional support and then having to reinvent yourself through all of this is a terrible burden for men after divorce. Support to deal with all these emotional troubles can be difficult for a man to ask for or seek out.

Fatherhood - How to be a good dad now that life has changed so much is a major concern for divorced men. What you knew and probably how you viewed being a good father is now changed forever. Shifting into this new role and feeling good about it requires some help

There are a few men's groups that are now starting to appear in many countries in response for this desperate need to connect and reinvent but they are still not used enough by men fearful of being labeled as weak.

As such sometimes the first steps you must take are to find a measure of peace in yourself first. Being a man, confident in who he is and what makes him happy will aid you in becoming a good father as well.

Men After Divorce & Moving On

Rediscovering life for men after divorce can be a trial full of pain and suffering, but the end result if you do it well with the correct information is a happier more independent and fulfilled future. This is not an easy path but it is a path with process and an end if you know where to look. This article will show you just a few tips to help you move on from divorce to get you started!

1. Get out there and do something! - Moping never solves a thing. Even though you may feel like garbage, trying to take yourself out of social events and circles will not help you be happier. Happiness is helped along greatly by our interactions with people so you need to be interacting with people, even better if they have nothing to do with the divorce so you can have normal conversations again.

2. Do not hold a grudge - While you might feel justified in being angry and resentful of your ex wife and the divorce, this will not ever help you or hinder them in any way. Holding a grudge is a way we try to hold on to something or someone to blame, it serves as a warning as well against something. However, it poisons your life with negativity and will hurt further relationship and decisions concerning love and happiness in general.

3. Do not date again too soon - One mistake men often make is to jump back into the dating game too soon. This can lead to a lot of problems as you are not fully recovered yet yourself. You end up choosing the wrong woman again, or feeling bad because you have been out of the game so long, or ending up in further strife (unexpected children for instance!). Take some time to learn about yourself and your own feelings before you start dating again.

Men After Divorce - Your First Step

Men after divorce will always need some help and advice no matter how self sufficient and strong they are. The emotional strain that we go through as men cannot be downplayed even though society likes to do so. So never be ashamed to seek out help and advice!

This article will just cover one thing, the very first step that you must take to be free of the poisonous state that is post-divorce life. Even if it has been a while since your divorce and you are still struggling, this is a good point to really review as well.

Stop Any Denial!

The first stage of a divorce is denying the truth of it. This can be in the form of outright not believing it is happening - living in a fantasy basically. It can also be the thought in the back of your mind that this is wrong, that your wife will come back to her senses soon. It might just be a niggling feeling that something is just not right - which might sound fair enough but it is inhibiting you!

To still hold hopes and believe in your marriage even after the worst is a way of trying to hold on to your old identity, to fight against change, to keep the status quo. This is an action against change for the better and need to be wiped clean so you are free to feel the real emotions you have to feel. This will allow you to look at the entire process without preconceptions, with a clear mind and a less burdened heart.

Men after divorce need to not deny any part of the divorce and accept that it has happened and there is no turning back - ever. Moving forward and embracing change in your life is the only cure for your condition!

Should You Start Dating After Divorce?

Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. People marry because they thought they found the person to share their lives with. Married couples strive every single day to make their marriage work and to keep their families together. But what happens when it started becoming a disaster? When married couples decide to file for divorce, it's definitely heart-wrenching for both parties. Nobody wanted the marriage to fail. If someone does, they would not have married each other in the first place. But after the divorce, one question remains. Should you start dating after divorce?

Most women are really in search for the guy of their dreams. That man who they would be spending the rest of their lives with. That man who would be the father of their children. That man who would raise a family with them. And when they find love, they want to be bonded by marriage. But not all married couples end up together as they grow old. Marriage may or may not work out. When it doesn't, don't have the wrong idea that you are forever stuck.

After divorce, take your time to heal. It is not advisable to date right away after the breakup of your marriage. It will only lead to more emotional turmoil. There are a lot of issues that you have to focus on before dating.

After the divorce, you may have issues on yourself that you have to resolve. Because of the failed marriage, your self esteem may have been damaged. Focus first on building it again. Do the things that you enjoy before you married your ex-husband. Start loving singlehood again before wanting to commit in another relationship.

Get in touch with your inner self. You gave so much on your marriage that some things that you love about yourself was gone. Develop a healthy "self-love" because that's the only way other people will appreciate and love you.

Listen to your heart. Don't force yourself to date if you know deep down that you are not ready. You will not enjoy dating if you do it for the wrong reasons. Gauge yourself as to why you want to date again. Is it because you are scared to be alone? Is it because you want to fill the hole that your ex-husband left in your heart? Does your family and friends pressure you to go out and find the right guy? Or is it because you just want to enjoy meeting other people?

When you finally find yourself being ready to date again, consider other factors. If you have children, you certainly have to prepare them for this. It's not like you will be entering a serious relationship again. But seeing you going out with a new guy will have an effect on them. Dealing with the idea that their parents separated is hard enough. For them to accept that you will see other guys will take time.

Dating after your divorce is not the same when you were still single before the marriage. Be clear on the purpose of why you want to date again. Just be sure that you are doing it not for other people but because you want to.

The Effects of Divorce in Children

A couple may undertake the process of divorce for some reasons. It may be because the marriage is not working anymore, while others may go along with this process because of petty things. Whatever the reason for this, it still brings a lot of stress to the family, especially with the children involved.

Usually during dissolution of marriage, the custody of the children is given to the mother. This is typically the case unless she is found unfit by the court. Fathers on the other hand are rewarded with visitation rights to their children. Mothers in some instances may give up their right to the child and willingly give the rights to the father. Some couples may even agree to have joint custody wherein both parties are involved in the upbringing of their children. There is, however, a problem with some couples. Some have difficulty setting an arrangement with the children's rights. This results in a scarred relationship between parents or even children. Sometimes, because of misunderstanding with the rights of both parents, some parents kidnap their own children.

The stress brought about by divorce to children can vary. Usually children under the age of 5 react with rage and grief thinking that they are actually divorced or left by their parents. Older children may understand the situation more, but some of them still blame themselves for the separation. Adolescents even become socially awkward and embarrassed due to the break up. In recent studies, it shows that children with divorced parents are usually more delinquent and shows lower grades than any other students. As a whole, some children may go about the divorce without an ill effect on them, but a majority suffers a huge amount of trauma because of it.

The Best Thing to Do to Get Your Wife Back

Is it not absurd? Marrying again someone whom you just had a divorced with. It is quite odd, if after making a final decision that, you have to divorce your wife and later on, you realized that you need her and be wondering how to get your wife back after a divorce. Oh my! Will this be the last decision? Then, make it sure, because you will sound funny and immature. That is better at least, rather than trying to conceal everything and yet you will end up living in regret all your lives. Having your wife back after a break-up is not unusual though. Many couples have been through that messy ordeal that it only ignited as a petty mess and gets complicated just because of pride and hatred. Being a couple is not an easy task, that is why people who want to get married have to undergo with what we call, a trial period or sort of a marriage encounter seminar, wherein they can see the pros and cons of married life. However, most of them really ignore the fact that these are beneficial before getting into marriage. Separation has been so rampant nowadays and broken homes are getting to be normal in households. Rich and poor alike share the same problem of broken marriages and are searching on how to get their wife back after a divorce.

The culprit of it all that makes the break-up complicated is pride. They start to live by their own and leave a life that is trying to overcome such separation even they are tormented. In some circumstances also, they do not want to humble themselves, thinking that it is not good to be the first one to initiate reconciliation. For it, not to get worse, take immediate action right away in humbling yourself, whenever there is a misunderstanding. When your ex-wife realizes someday that a part of her misses, well then this is the right time to try reunion. It is love that counts anyway, not what people say. Do not be alarmed with the depressing adjustment of your relationship, it is but just normal of having to take you 7 to 8 years period of adjustment between your spouse, due to two different upbringing that are trying to leave in one roof. Over reacting with this situation, definitely cause chaos and breakup.

When you had some encounters such as this, well, the best thing to do to get your wife back is to it have trial separation first, let us say, for 1 year of not living together, will certainly make one realized the importance of each other. Therefore, try to live a life of your own, if your wife loves you, she will still end up with you anyway. Move on, dress well and keep distant, I assure you, you will be amazed of the result on how to get your wife back after a divorce.

Working Out Do I Still Love My Ex and What To Do

Everyone struggles with their emotions one way or another. Some people understand their emotions and themselves reasonably well, but for most people understanding what makes them and others tick is difficult. Nothing is more confusing than working out how you feel about people you love and people you had relationships with, especially an ex. Even after a significant period it is not unusual for a person to think, "Do I still love my ex?"

Working out how you feel about an ex is necessary for moving on and building new relationships successfully. Any emotional "baggage" that you carry with you from a past relationship is going to affect your present or future relationships. If there are underlying issues or emotional connections between you and a previous partner it will affect how you relate to a new partner and you run the risk of that "load" adding to the factors that erode a relationships foundation, and it makes your new relationship much harder work.

So it is important to work out how you feel about your ex so that you can resolve the issue and go forward unencumbered.

The next thing to determine is how you feel about your ex and you can do that by checking out the following questions. The answers you give will help you pinpoint your feelings and help you decide what you need to do next.

? Do you still try to see your ex?

When you love someone, you want to see them or speak with them, so if you find yourself calling your ex's number just to hear their voice, or you drive past their home in the hopes of "accidentally" seeing them, then you may still have strong feelings for them.

? Do you still think about your ex?

When you love someone they are on your mind most of the time. Things like your favorite love song or watching a romantic movie will immediately get your thoughts tuned to your ex. They are the first person you want to talk with when something new happens to you and you want to share it with someone.

? Do you feel bad at the thought of your ex with someone else?

When you love someone, the thought of your love interest moving on and being with another person makes you feel really bad. You still feel on some level that they belong with you and to see them with someone else crosses a line, especially if you had been physically intimate with them. It feels like a tearing of a connection, and you would be right, there is a breaking of that connection in that circumstance.

If you have answered yes to these questions it is more likely that you have been thinking "I still love my ex" too, and that you have some unresolved issues that need to be addressed in order for you to move on.

So what do you do now? Do you want to move on and get over these feelings or do you want to try to reconnect with your ex and rebuild your broken relationship? Whatever you decide there are ways to achieve this and it is just a matter of getting the right information to help you make good progress.

If you have just realized that you have been thinking, "I still love my ex" all this time and need some ideas to rebuild the love between you, then go to - http://myrelationshiphelp.info/
(There is also great information in the "Clean Slate Method" to get you back on track, either moving on or reconnecting.)

Find out what thousands of happy couples do to get and keep their flame of love burning hot!
- Wishing you love and success - Jo Baker

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jo_Baker

To Heal Your Broken Heart, You Have To Love You

In order for you to start a new life, and really make it something worth creating, it is absolutely crucial for you to have a certain level of love for yourself.

After a break-up, it is normal for you to feel pretty low about yourself. This is then compounded by our innate ability to analyse our every thought, emotion and action in a very awful way and judge ourselves harshly.

Recognising when you do this is the first step in controlling it. Over the next few days, take notice of how much you put yourself down in your own thoughts, especially on the bad days. The general rule is this: if you wouldn't tolerate hearing the same words said to you by a friend or family member, then you shouldn't tolerate them from yourself either!

Once you have recognised them, try to change them around so that you are being fair to yourself. Give yourself love and respect in this difficult time. Perhaps close your eyes and image giving yourself a hug or find other ways of practicing self-respect.

If you have a particular friend that has been helpful during this time, perhaps ask them to do this activity with you and especially, use them as a support to pull you up when you say anything self-deprecating, and ask you to replace it with something more loving.

Throughout your day, write down some of the thought patterns you have noticed within yourself recently, that have been negative. Find a way to turn them into a positive statement and write them next to the negative thoughts. Focus on those more positive statements whenever you feel yourself starting to be too harsh on yourself again.

A strong mental attitude, or attempting to develop one, will be your best bet in transitioning through your breakup towards your new life quickly. Unfortunately, nobody can do that for you, and nobody else is responsible for your thoughts other than you.

This is your opportunity to show the world how to love you! If you have been treating yourself with disrespect and judgement, then you are not setting a very good example for others. You need to give yourself what you're lacking and be there for yourself. If it helps, pretend that you are a good friend of yours and think about how you would treat them.

REMEMBER! You would also have learnt by now, that you must be careful who you listen to. The world is full of well-meaning friends, family and strangers who will give you every piece of advice available. Unfortunately not all advice is good advice though, so use your intuition to determine who you listen to, and who you simply ignore.

What Can I Do to Get My Ex Husband Back - Top Tips

Losing the Love of Your Life

You married him because you know he's the one for you. For some reason, now he wants to leave you and move on with his life. Now you're going mad because you believe that he's making the biggest mistake of his life! Well, don't despair now. You can still make him change his mind and get him back into your arms again.

Give Him Time (and Space)

Stop pestering him. If he wants some time for himself then let him have his way. Contradicting what he wants at this stage will only worsen the situation and that's something that you would want to prevent at all cost. Let him breathe. Give him some space. Maybe you have been to needy and clingy all the time. By giving him some time alone, you'll also be giving him the chance to miss you after all.

Focus on Your Well-Being

Instead of moping around in your bedroom all day, why not take this opportunity as a chance to finally get that make over you always wanted. Or maybe you've been dying to check out this cool sport or particular hobby. Now is the time to finally do what you want to. Do not focus on negative things. Treat yourself for a wonderful day at the spa or change your wardrobe perhaps. You don't want your ex husband catching you looking like a hag, do you?!

Play Hard to Get

If your husband does try to contact you in one way or another, don't be too eager. You don't want him taking you for granted again. If he calls you, don't sound too jittery. Make all your conversations short and casual. Don't make him feel that you're overwhelmed by his presence. It can be hard to do but definitely not impossible.

These are just the first steps that everyone needs to take if you want to get her ex. Doing the wrong thing can mean the end of the relationship forever. Find out what you should and shouldn't be doing to get your ex back now.

Overcoming Depression After Divorce

A person can suffer mentally, emotionally and spirtually due to a divorce. If it was a particularly ugly divorce with constant arguments and strife, this can be troublesome. Those individuals that have divorced against their will often feel inadequate and unwanted after a divorce. These are factors that people new to divorce will have to face. The emotional damage of caused by a divorce is as equally distressing as the financial issues that are also incurred. Taking the time to learn how to survive divorce emotionally is necessary in order to successfully move on with ones life after a divorce.

People get married to their partners with the belief that they will be together forever. When this image is shattered by a divorce some people find it very difficult to deal with reality and divorce support may be needed. Although a marriage is ended with a divorce, this does not always end the emotional attachments that people possess. People have to learn to adapt to the new, single life after divorce. Loneliness can occur and it shouldn't be something that a person is ashamed of. It is recommended that divorcees having a tough time with the separation seek out warm company. Sometimes being around other people after a divorce can help lift a person's spirits. Being around people may help alleviate the loneliness and help a person to stop thinking about the divorce so often.

Issues with trust and harboring resentment are additional effects of divorce. A person's self esteem can be negatively impacted by a divorce. Learning that one's spouse no longer wants to remain in the marriage can be painful. Because of this, some people develop trust issues after a divorce. Some people make the decision that they have been hurt too much as a result of the divorce, and they decide to be overly protective of themselves. Unfortunately, this type of thinking only serves to plummet a person deeper into depression as the very love and assistance that is truly needed and wanted is being blocked out of fear and resentment towards a person that has moved on with their life. It is important that people not take allow a divorce to change their perception of others or life. This is obviously easier said then done, but no good ever comes from becoming cold and distant towards others because of an injury inflicted by one person. You may even realize that some of the emotional injury you feel was not just brought on by your spouse but was cased by you as well.

If a person is having trouble dealing with the emotional pain from a divorce, seeking professional help is an option. It can be very difficult for an individual to rise above the forlorn feelings that occur as a result of a divorce. There are an array of health professionals that can assist an individual with the emotional issues related to divorce. Everything that is spoken about is kept confidential and a person will have a chance to truly express the difficulties with coping with divorce without being judged.

Post-Divorce Stress Reduction - Practice Mindfulness Techniques

Using mindfulness techniques post-divorce can help reduce stress. You can learn to enjoy the time you spend with family and friends without dwelling on the marriage. You can make deliberate, intentional decisions about your life with less worry. You can learn what you really want, without second guessing each decision you make.

The attitudes and practices of mindfulness are available to everyone. They're simple, but require practice. Seven basic attitudes, based on the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn, follow:

* Being or Non-striving. Learn to "be," without "doing." Not having a partner around all the time is a big change. Slow down and take time to breathe. Focus, and be with yourself or others without distractions or a specific agenda. Turn the phone off and be fully present. Allow yourself to see what comes up.

* Non-judging. See yourself as you really are. You'll like yourself more when you're not constantly judging your decisions, behaviors and appearance, as right or wrong, good or bad. You're a divorced person; it is neither positive nor negative. What would it be like to remain alone or to be with someone? What are your reactions to thoughts of moving or of staying where you are? Have curiosity and interest in your future, without judging.

* Acceptance and Awareness. Be conscious of your thoughts but don't let them define or control you. Focusing on negative thoughts is stressful. Instead of worrying about why you're in a restaurant without a partner, notice the thought and move on to another. Later you can decide if you'd rather eat in a restaurant with a friend or prefer to go solo. Be aware of your thoughts without letting them take over.

* Letting Go or Non-attachment. After acceptance it's calming to let go. You'll have nagging, unpleasant thoughts, or situations that do not go as you'd like. You will recall things in the marriage that didn't go well, but there's no need to dwell on them. If you're having a problem with your ex-spouse, don't push away the discomfort with immediate action. You don't have to be attached to a particular outcome. When you don't have to fix things all the time, you can think more clearly.

* Beginner's Mind. Be open to seeing yourself as you are right now. Let go of the memory of how things were before when you were married, and expectations for how they ought to be today or will be tomorrow. You may see that being single is right where you need to be. When you look with beginner's mind, you notice new things daily.

* Trust. Trust your ideas, your feelings and your intuition. Give yourself permission to stop worrying about everyone else's opinion of you and your divorce. You know best how you'd like to spend your time, the kind of relationship you'd like to have with your ex-spouse or when you'll be ready to meet someone new. Trust in your decisions comes more easily when you follow your own wisdom.

* Patience. Patience is about knowing that things happen in their own time and cannot be rushed. Patience helps connect you to the present and reduces stress. In time you will figure out what you need to do to move forward post-divorce. Next time you're in a rush to make something happen, ask yourself, "What's the hurry?"

Cultivating mindfulness requires practicing these skills. Pick one skill and try to practice it several times a day. For beginner's mind, in the morning, at noon and at night, remind yourself to be in the present, not the past or future. Or choose a few skills and use them daily in novel ways. Practice non-judging each time you hear self-criticism, by taking three breaths and letting go of the thought. In order to practice being, sit quietly for five minutes just noticing the sounds around you.

Adopting the attitudes of mindfulness can help you spend your post-divorce days with less stress by bringing a calm, nonjudgmental awareness to your situation. You can respond to events deliberately, with clear intentions. You can enjoy life more and get to know yourself better.

Surviving Divorce - Part 1 - A Personal Story

As I sat on the edge of the bed grappling for my glasses, blood pouring from my nose, I realised the blow to my face signalled the end of my 34 year marriage. I had been unhappy for years, in fact ever since I realised I couldn't change my husband's addiction to gambling and lying about his whereabouts.I have since realised that we cannot change others, only ourselves.

At first I stayed for the sake of our two sons but after they had left home it was because I didn't want to be on my own. I have never been good at DIY tasks, disliked driving and preferred company to being on my own. Besides, where would I live and how would I manage financially as I contributed substantially to joint bills? But now as I felt the throbbing in my nose, somehow my fears about living on my own seemed less important and I filed for divorce.

?I soon became aware that buying a property would not be possible. We had a big mortgage as a result of my husband's gambling and I was told he had a right to half my pension. In order to keep it I had to forego my share of the property. This meant I could not buy my own home and had to rent somewhere to live for the first time in my life at the age of 54.

I met my husband when I was 14 years old and now, in my fifties, I found it hard to adjust to being single for the first time.? As well as living in the habit of being married we had been together for many years and living on my own was a completely new experience for me.

I found moving on after divorce was rather like moving to a new country. I had to learn about my new territory and how best to live in it as a single person.

Less than a year later my husband died suddenly. In addition to losing someone I had shared two thirds of my life with and the father of my children, I NOW lost home ownership. To compound my sadness, my son went through a painful divorce and my beloved granddaughters moved 200 miles away with their mother

Alone in my head 365 days a year and finding myself at a 'party for one' more often than I would wish I often felt empty and isolated. For a long while I used solitude as my comfort zone and somewhere to escape to when I felt insecure or threatened by something. I also allowed myself to be a 'victim' and spent far too long wallowing in self pity and apportioning blame for my failed marriage.

Finally, I found that divorce differs from other loss because it is a catalyst for change in EVERY area of our life and therefore offers a fantastic opportunity to reinvent ourselves as successful, independent women.

For me, I did this with the help of a life coach.? My coach gave me a safe place to explore what I really wanted for the future in the sort of objective way you can't always expect when talking to family and friends. With her help, I clarified my goals, re-built my confidence and discovered a brand new lease of life.? The most important thing though, is to get the help that feels right for you, whether through the many books available about surviving divorce, via the internet, a Life Coach or a divorce survival group. There is really no need to make the journey on your own. Look out for part 2 where I have put together a strategy to help you survive divorce, based on my own experience.

How To Pick Up Women For Men After Divorce

I was sad after my divorce, but to be honest with you, I was thinking a lot about other women I might be able to pick up, too. Are you thinking about it a lot after divorce like I was? If so, you're not alone.

Actually, if you really must know, 99% of guys just don't understand how to pick up women because 99% of the stuff out there is just bad information that simply doesn't work. What I am saying is that there wasn't like a class at the local Jr. College on how to pick up women.

So, the first key to understand how to pick up women is that you first need to understand that you actually have to make an effort to develop--a skill through practice. Most men out there think that guys that are good with women have always been that way, and that they were gifted with this innate talent to pick up on women.

Nothing could be farther than the truth: so, good for us!

It's a set of skills that can be learned, being no different than riding a bike. You have to practice and see what works and what doesn't. Look, I've approach over 2,000 women over the last 6 years, whether on the streets, in clubs/bars, coffee houses of Paris, New York, Berlin, Spain, Miami, Seattle, Prague, Budapest, Amsterdam, or LA, and I'm telling you right now, I know what works and what doesn't.

Well, I don't blame you if you don't want to go through all of those trials and errors that I have endured. So, here are, three essential tips which will help you learn how to pick up women...

First: Go Where the Women Are

While this sounds obvious at first glance, it actually isn't. When it comes to learning how to pick up women, most guys make the mistake of trying to approach women where the competition is really fierce: like clubs and bars.

Clubs and bars have a lot of women to approach, but the problem a lot of the time is that women who go there in groups want to hang out with their friends. Women don't like the group to be broken up. They are getting hit on by a lot of guys, some of them drunk, too.

So, women at bars and clubs are more difficult to meet. While not impossible, your time could be spent in a more beneficial way.

Hence clubs and bars should be part of your over all tactics by being a great place to hone your skills; it shouldn't more than one fifth of your time spent picking up women.

The key to learning how to pick up women is if you start approaching women at unsuspecting places: grocery stores, parks, coffee houses, bookstores, libraries etc...you'll find that there's a lot less competition and therefore women don't have their "he's hitting on me radar" on high security mode. These place should be your focus or...

One of the best places to go is "speed dating." I can't tell you how great, in post-divorce, what speed dating has been for me! These women are there to meet men! They are motivated.

In this social sphere you will get tons of dates as long as you present your "best" self, dress pleasantly, and not act "creepy" to the women there.

For best results, go to different speed dating events in different areas and different companies (do a Google search).

If you go a lot, you might see the same women going there all the time, and some of them are a bit cynical. If they accuse you of going to these events "just to get laid," answer them by saying, "what's your excuse you dork." Whooaaa. You are forward. I can see what's on your mind all the time. Haha.

Don't be surprised if she picks you at the end of the night: it's happened to me quite a few times...hehe! Never make apologies about what you want as a man--ever!

Second: Build Trust First

The main secret of how to pick up women is being able to build comfort which will transform into deep rapport. But, how do you do this when it's clear that you're approaching her for the reasons of hitting on them?

It's easy: after you've spent some time talking to her and have built some trust and comfort, that's when you can start to hit on her.

For example, if a woman you are attracted to is sitting in a bookstore or coffee house, reading a book, sit in a chair next to her. After some minutes, tell her you have to use the restroom and to have her watch your seat.

This will communicate a subtle message that you trust her, and when you extend trust to a person, it's human nature to give it back: it's a concept in anthropology call reciprocity.

Next, when you return, not only have you broken the ice, but she is now primed for you to move the encounter forwards.

What would be even better is to throw in a little tease when you return. Something like this: "Wow, your good at protecting my property. I'm hiring you as my personal security detail to chase all of my female fans who are always after me. After the tease, it ought to be a lot easier to start up a "chat," and then you move to the last step...

Third: Use the "Time Limit Close"

Once you start to talk to her for a while, pretend to get a text message from a friend and that you have to leave. This kind of natural "interruption" will create an opportunity for you to say this: "I need to go, but I'd like to continue this conversation-- have you ever been to the xyz sushi place on 2nd Street?

Of course, ask for a date and her number. The purpose of the time limit close is that since the conversation was interrupted, you'll still be leaving her with the sense that you're not needy, that you have a life and that you and her still have something to talk about.

Use these strategies and practice a lot. The first couples of times, like all things in life, are a bit hard, but after a couple of times, you'll be comfortable and as other men see you in action, they will be asking for your advice on how to pick up women.

She Broke My Heart - How to Get Over a Broken Heart and Love Again

Everyone experiences joy and sorrow in their lives at some point and for many more than once. However this does not help you much when your heart is breaking. The good news is that as others have been through it and come out the other side, so will you. In the meantime, you had hopes and dreams together that have now been dashed, all you can think of is "she broke my heart, how will I ever love again," and you feel like it is the end of your world.

These feelings can be all engulfing and may cause some confusion - there are lots of feelings swirling around including feelings of hurt and pain, as well as a sense of loss and more intense grieving. Some people can be quite puzzled by how they are feeling, but bear in mind it is as if something has died, and it has. You had a dream of building a life with your partner and you had built a different lifestyle with her and that has now been taken away. It is normal and natural to feel grief over this.

Finding out that this grief is understandable in this circumstance can provide a sense of relief. Knowing that this phase of getting over a breakup is normal, and the main point is that it is a phase, and as such it will pass, can give a glimmer of hope to a heart-broken man in a dark place.

The extent of the pain you feel is a measure of how much you were into your girlfriend and how serious your relationship was when she left. Immediately after the breakup you may feel like your heart is breaking and will never mend. It feels so bad that you can physically experience pain in your chest, and you feel like it will never be okay again, and as bad as it feels this is a normal reaction for anyone who has a broken heart.

Over time you will notice that the intensity of feelings will lessen and you will begin to feel more like yourself again. Be aware that there may be periods of relapse where you plummet to the depths of despair from time to time but these should lessen in length of time and in frequency.

Others around you cannot fully comprehend what this breakup means to you and how deeply affected you have been by it. When your heart has been broken by the woman you love, it can leave lasting scars and it is something that you will never forget.

As mentioned before there can be physical feelings as a result of the breakup, and also there are psychological symptoms to be aware of. As you progress through recovering from a breakup you can experience some or all of these, but not necessarily will:

? Difficulty eating

? Difficulty sleeping

? Tightness or pain in the chest due to anxiety

? Nausea

? Tiredness

? Lower self-respect and/or self-esteem

? Feelings of despair and hopelessness

These symptoms can range from mild to severe in different individuals, and any symptoms that persist or become more severe, seek medical help immediately to rule out any other underlying causes.

Just knowing what you are feeling is normal and will eventually subside, can help you work through your recovery with the hope of falling in love again eventually. As time passes you will begin to regain interest in the things in your life and this is also a good time to touch base with your family and friends and allow them to provide you with support and comfort.

Offering help to others will help put life into perspective for you, when you see that there are also others who have major problems. It will give you a different focus and take your mind off your troubles for a while.

Even though you are grieving now, you will heal and come to accept that this part of your life is over, and as you let your ex go, be gentle with yourself and forgive the things you may have done that contributed to the break-down in your relationship. Take the time to learn more about yourself and increase your experience in relationship building so that the next relationship you start will benefit from what you have learned.

Even as you are still crying inside, "she broke my heart," and it feels so bad right now, know that as for any wound it will heal, and you will be a better person for the experience if you allow yourself to become better through it and not bitter. Each day that passes will bring a little more light and peace and as you heal, your breakup will become a faded memory eventually. You may always love your ex but you will know you are healed when you can remember her warmly without the painful feelings, and you are looking forward to a new love again in your life.

Ways To Comfort Children When They Visit On Weekends

After divorce, it will be very difficult for fathers if they are permitted to meet their children only once in a week. Once a parent is no longer engaged in the day-to-day decisions impacting upon his or her children, a lack of confidence in dealing with them, or even a sense of futility, is not uncommon. Here are some ideas to help fathers and children adjust to the changes in their relationship.

Never say bad things about Mom. Always respect your ex-wife's role as the mother of your children no matter what your differences. A relationship with their mother is necessary for all children. Do your best to keep all interactions civil and respectful; discuss any problems when the children aren't present.

You shouldn't overly spoil them. A day will come when you want to play the "Dad" card on your children. When your kids are visiting you on your weekend, and you spoil them, they will begin to look at you as a playmate instead of as their father. Discipline and structure are very important to children, and quality time usually means listening to them and being with them, not constantly trying to entertain them. While they are with you on weekends, assign them small jobs and make them feel comfortable, just like being at home, and let them have leisure activities only after they are done with the assigned jobs. Chores don't to be hard labor and no enjoyment, but; if you think positively you can make working in the yard and doing errands more enjoyable.

Bring in new female partners into their lives slowly. Your children should not be introduced to a new girlfriend until it becomes apparent that this person will be around for a long time. When you two are fairly comfortable with each other you can start to get your kids acquainted with her a little at a time. The very first interaction with your children and her can involve some games, and sharing of some cookies and snack items. Thereafter, maybe she can accompany all of you to something like the movies or dinner out. Introduce your children in small steps, making sure they are comfortable that your role as a parent to them won't change.

Let them feel cozy. Your kids ought to regard your abode as their second home. Try to make your new domicile as much like a second home as you can. Provide them with as much private space as they need; make room for their favorite toys, games and decorations; and let them bring over anything else that reminds them of better times like stuffed animals and other toys they may want.

Maintain contact with them throughout the week. Calling your child during the week is a great way to connect with them and to discuss future plans, making the weekend transitions smoother. Being attentive to their activities with the other parent will help the children not feel as if they're living two separate lives.

Using these tips can greatly help the problems connected with weekend visits for kids and dads.

Recovery After Divorce For Men - 3 Rules to Follow

Being divorced is not the end of the world; it only feels like it is! Recovery after divorce for men does feel like you are crawling away from a world shattering cataclysm though so learning to recover properly and heal emotionally is essential to be able to move on with your life.

While understanding every element of divorce and its emotional impact on you is a very large topic, this article will give you three rules that can help you move through this rocky part of your life and set you up for a happier future.

1. Stop the Hate - Resentment, bitterness, and hate; these are very common amongst divorced men for rather obvious reasons. Most men fee justified in this attitude and many might even agree! The problem is that hating does not help you one tiny bit, there is not benefit to yourself to hang on to this negative emotion. Hating does not teach anyone a lesson it only holds you back form being happy and experiencing more in life. Being able to let go of these issues is essential to moving on from a failed marriage.

2. Stay Connected - All too often men after divorce withdraw emotionally and socially from life. This is a dangerous direction often caused by an inability to understand and work through the complex tangle of emotions that we all go through after a break up. The danger is that without perspective of other people and without helpful social contact men develop a much higher risk of depression, anxiety, and suicide. Social connections are essential for mental health.

3. Learn to Forgive - This may be the hardest part, but the most freeing. Even if you stop the hate and resentment, you might still never forgive your ex, or perhaps yourself for the divorce. This is the burden most men carry around that will harm their future happiness, and future relationships. Forgiveness allows you to be truly free of this shadow that will cloud all your thinking. This does not mean forgetting, or condoning any actions... it just means releasing yourself of carrying this burden and not letting it affect you anymore.

Name Changes After Divorce

Marriage means taking on a new life, and getting divorced also mean changing a lot of things from life prior to getting married. A change of name after getting a divorce is one of the primary things that need to be done. At present, there are increasing divorce cases and more women are into reverting their names back to their maiden names.

In order to change a name after issuance of divorce, it is advised that a request should be made to the judge handling the divorce case. The court must be informed of your intent to change the your name putting it back to your maiden name. Thus, you need to specify the name that needs to be change and the judge will include this in the issuance of a divorce order. Another way to do this is that a person can also file with the court an intent to change the name after divorce. Just fill out a form for a change of name and file it court. Supporting documents or attachments are needed as specified in the form. Following this procedure, the court will approve the request based on the documents furnished. After court approval of change of name, you need to publish a legal notice in local paper to formalize the approval.

Change of name after getting a divorce is important since legal transactions are no longer deemed valid as conjugal with the issuance of divorce. This is needed on legal documents of the female spouse who is no longer married to the male spouse.

When You Let Go of Resentment - You Let Go of the Pain of Divorce

When you give the best years of your life to someone you love deeply, it is very hard to swallow the truth that your ex left you to move on to even better years with someone else after your divorce. Or perhaps you spent your life slaving away to support a deadbeat spouse who later files for divorce and takes a high paying position where they pamper a younger wife who never has to lift a finger. Yes, the pain of divorce hurts.

So you start to become resentful. Now, there is always something to harbor resentment against if you choose to do so. It doesn't matter how many years you were married or how long it has been since the divorce. When you see your ex moving on to a great life with someone else or doing something completely different it is hard not to feel disrespected and wronged.

Even if you are doing exciting things now and there is a lot going on in the new life, you are not happy. It's all superficial. Why? Because you are filled with anger and resentment.

There are a few problems with holding onto resentment:

1. It causes you to cling to the past rather than looking forward.
2. It keeps you focused on your ex instead of focusing on yourself.
3. It keeps the pain of the divorce alive.

Resentment is not about your ex or about the reasons of divorce. Resentment is about your inability to forgive. Resentment is like a poison, and it robs you of peace of mind. It makes you feel stressed out and anxious. It eats away at your insides.

You may think that you are moving forward, especially if you have a new love interest or are always busy doing things, but, the truth is that if you are still eaten up inside because you know your ex is out there living a great life with someone else or otherwise moving on without you, then at least a part of you is still trapped - needlessly.

As long as you are focused on what your ex is doing you will not be able to focus properly on what you should be doing. There has to come a point where you have to let it go! STOP putting so much energy into what he is doing and just focus on yourself!

It doesn't matter what he's doing this weekend. It matters what you are doing. If your plans include stalking him on Facebook or calling up old friends to get the dirt on his new life, then you are holding yourself back from doing great things with your own life.

Divorce is painful and you have a legitimate right to feeling hurt or even downright disrespected and wronged. It might not be fair that he gets to move on to enjoy a happy life after the things he said and did to you. You are right to feel as you do.

Here's the catch: as Earl Nightingale said, "the world does not care!" Life will go on for everyone around you, and you will still be stuck in your resentment. In all probability, while you may not see it, your ex is also going through the pain of divorce. He may mask it with bravado since he has made the decision to leave, but he feels it nevertheless!

The best way to move on from the pain of a divorce and stop looking back is to start with forgiveness. Resentment and anger hold you back - forgiveness will set your soul free.

Only then you can lead a fulfilling life that you find rewarding and enjoyable, not a superficial one. Be your own definition of success and his success may seem a lot less important.

Some Vital Tips to Win Back Your Ex Husband

You didn't like some of his habits, but you really think that he was a good husband. You considered or tried starting a new relationship with someone else but discovered that no one was better than him. If this is the situation, you should make efforts to win back your ex husband. So, where to start with? Do not worry and keep reading as we are going to give you some vital tips for it.

Step 1
The very first thing to do is to identify and deal with the reasons of separation. Was it your decision to separate or his? If it was he, are you ready to forgive him? If it was you, are you ready to ask for forgiveness for your actions?

Step 2
Analyze your relationship and find out how happy you were with it. What were the best things that both of you shared and what were the weak points? This will greatly help you to keep your marriage once again.

Step 3
Do you have any children from this relation? If yes, it should be considered as your kids will definitely like to spend their life with their father and enjoy his company. Make sure that you do not involve your children as a trap for your husband.

Step 4
To win back your ex husband, you need to be on speaking terms with each other. If you did not end your relationship miserably and have no problems talking with each other, this is a really good start. Talk with him and fix up a meeting. You can ask him to meet for the reason that there is something important that cannot be discussed over the phone. Make sure that choose a calm place to meet him, preferably a place of his choice. If he agrees, you are already on the half way to keep your marriage and win back your ex husband.

Step 5
Make a list of all important points that you need to talk about and discuss with him. If you are too nervous about meeting him after the split, practice your lines at home, but it should not look artificial. It should not look like as if you have crammed the lined whole night just for that day.

Step 6
Okay, this is a very important point. If you want to win back your ex husband, avoid being too demanding or pleading. If you will do this, it will turn him off and all your efforts to win back your ex husband and keep your marriage once again will fail.

Step 7
In case he does not agree to meet you, take help of a third party. This may be his friends, relatives or the religious institution where you got married. These people can greatly help you to talk with your ex husband and initiate your relationship once again.

So, do whatever you can to win back your ex husband and reconnect with him for a better future life!

Surviving Divorce Part 2 - A Strategy for Surviving Divorce

Looking back on my own divorce I realise that I experienced a range of emotional milestones which included a period of letting go; a period of feeling guilty because I didn't say or do all the things I might have; a period of anger because it didn't work out the way I wanted it to; a period of reconciliation during which I thought that maybe if we tried again it would work this time and finally a period of acceptance. Each of us goes through these stages when we lose a relationship, although not necessarily in the same order. The time for each stage also varies from one person to another. Losing someone you love and the role of married partner is a unique experience for us all.

Here are the lessons I learned from my own journey.

Take back your personal power.The process of redefining yourself as a single person confirms your personal identity and you must assume 100% responsibility for the new life you are designing. Be decisive and self directed in the knowledge that there is no-one else to blame for what you want, or get, out of your life. As someone once said 'As long as you have the power to choose, you have the power to change'. Make the choice to be happy and fulfilled and then ask yourself what you must do to achieve these things.Let go of blame and bitterness.They will make your new life toxic and besides, as Wayne Dyer says, "All blame is a waste of time. You may succeed in making others feel guilty but you won't succeed in changing whatever is making you unhappy" Furthermore, don't allow yourself to become a victim. In order to move forward it is much better to see yourself as a powerful, courageous woman, than someone under the influence of other people.Make space for your new life.In order to bring new people and pursuits into your new life you have to create space for them.This means learning to say 'No' to the stale outdated things which may be, habits, people, and places or attitudes. The choice is yours.Give yourself a makeover. Take stock of your appearance and set about improving it. Ask someone you trust to be honest with you about how you look and identify areas for improvement. If you can afford it consult an Image Consultant and book a make up session. Get yourself a new hair style, some new clothes, makeup and some new accessories. After all when you feel that you look good, you feel good too!Liberate yourself. Don't hoard. Resist clinging to the past with drawers and boxes full of momentos and photographs. Be selective about your memories and reduce the space it occupies in your home and head. Have a good clear out and prepare space for your new life by creating space in your home and wardrobe. Make three piles. Give away, sell and dump. Be absolutely ruthless! Make a rule to use anything new thereafter as a replacement, and sell or give away the item you are replacing, to avoid hoarding again.Make a financial plan. Living on your own costs more than it does for a couple. Furthermore, research shows that women's anticipated income in retirement is a third less than their male counterparts. Keep a spending diary for a month or so to inform planning. Make a list of your income and outgoings and don't forget to include irregular and unexpected costs. Give yourself a regular money makeover. Look for ways to reduce your outgoings on an on-going basis and make your money work harder for you.Celebrate and embrace solitude, don't hide behind it. Remember, loneliness is a choice we make not something that is externally imposed on us. I soon realised that loneliness is not the same a being alone and is actually a choice we make. When a week-end alone is no longer a luxury for you, fill it with new and exciting things to do.

One thing you need to watch out for is fear and resistance to change, which happens to EVERYONE. Be alert to your fears, your reactions to loss and your confusion over the practicalities of making a recovery. It's all about taking the next step. You can be paralysed by fear and resistance to change or you can confront and dissolve it, and get on with your new life. I am living proof that this is possible and am grateful for the strength and courage to stand on my own, secure in my own integrity and self-worth. If I was able to survive divorce, so can you!

Post-Breakup Parenting

With a US divorce rate at 50 per cent, and the UK not far behind, the old idea of mum, dad and 2.2 kids is becoming outdated. In the near future, most families will comprise a single or step-parent, kids from previous relationships, perhaps on both sides, plus an ever-expanding group of grandparents, aunts, uncles - and, of course, exes. Some people find the transition from raising a child as one half of a couple to post-breakup parenting relatively easy. But for many, it's tough. If your breakup was a nasty one, if one partner left for a new man or woman, if money or property or custody or access are contentious issues, maintaining a friendly (or at the very least, civil) relationship with your ex can be incredibly challenging.

But for your child's sake, it's vital that you try and maintain this relationship. I know, because I've been there. For over a decade now, I've been a separated father, seeing my son every other weekend (I wrote a story about it for the Guardian, if you'd like to know more). Over the years, my son's mother and I have argued about everything from his toilet training to secondary schools - but we have never fallen out. Despite at times wishing the other would emigrate to Mars, we have always communicated and tried to find a compromise.

We communicate regularly, have a flexible arrangement about who has him when, and do our very best to put his needs before our own. Sometimes, we have failed, but we've always done our best and I'm proud of us both for that. If you find yourself in this situation, remember that your kids didn't want or ask you to separate. They love and need you both, so try never to badmouth your ex to them, no matter how exasperated you get.?

And remember that, however impossible it may seem at first, it does get easier.

Starting a New Life After Divorce

Divorce is a hurtful life changing process. The person is suddenly placed in a situation that they have to be on his own. They have to deal with issues alone such as money, children, and career changes.

In every tragedy, there is always a time to bounce back and pick up the pieces. A time for grieving is not compounded in determined period of time but life is. Realizing the next steps of any hurtful situation is not as easy; however there are things that you have to consider to work on it rightly fast.

Moving forward after divorce will take time. Start in making a plan for yourself and how you will be able to raise your kids alone. Think of feasible steps that you could take slowly be along the with the process of recovery. This should go hand in hand without disregarding your children's welfare. It may be that your child doesn't live with you, then find ways and time to cope with them. Try to define how things will positively work for you and your children.

Make your plans in sync with the goals that you want to achieve in life. Your dream doesn't end after a broken marriage or a broken relationship. It takes a strong determination, but certainly your efforts will be significant in the changes that you will go through alone. Push for achieving results, and it will be more rewarding for you.

Learn to deal with things on your own but you can also consult your family and friends on certain matters.

Living Together In Divorce - An Effective Way To Get Through Tough Times

There is something going on throughout the world that is not widely advertised and may be happening on the street where you live.

I am talking about married couples who have come to the end of the road with their relationship but instead of getting a quick divorce have decided to stay living together.

If it sounds unusual then prepare yourself for the fact that the amount of families living this way is on the rise.

So why on earth would a husband and wife who have ended their marriage want to stay under the same roof with each other.

The plain and simple truth is that many couples cannot afford to break up in the traditional way. By that I mean a good old fashioned and often nasty divorce where there are no winners just hurt and angry people.

The global recession affected a lot of people who lost their jobs and watched their biggest asset (their home) devalue to far less than they paid for it. The recession caused the bottom of the housing market to literally fall out leaving people who had bought their homes in more prosperous times struggling to sell their homes for a fair price.

When a married couple decides to part they generally look at dividing up their assets. The family home is put on the market and the couple hopes for a fast sale so they can move on with their lives. As many couples would have had a mortgage on their property it would be impossible to sell their home for less than the amount owed at the bank. The future must certainly have looked bleak for many of these people as they watched their marriages dissolve and everything they had worked for now part of a divorce settlement.

Somewhere in the suburbs a cunning plan must have been hatched and the concept of living together in divorce was born. In the face of adversity couples that were intending to divorce decided the best thing to do was become roommates and live in the family home until it was sold.

What followed though was a realization that as roommates they were getting on better with each other because the pressure of the marriage was gone. Instead of going into the future with nothing but heartache these ingenious couples set some new rules and embarked on a brand new way of living together. They knew that eventually they would be divorced but not until their debts were all settled and their children properly cared for.

This is not an epidemic but it is taking place in homes everywhere. People will have their opinions but at the end of the day when a couple makes the tough decision to live together in divorce I can guarantee they have not taken it lightly.

I've Been Dumped - Now What? Your Way Out of The "Being Dumped" Hole

I've been dumped by my boyfriend. What to do now? My reaction to this situation might differ from yours. Some people might find things easy and they are immediately on their ways to move on and forget about the breakup. Some people might suffer but with a good plan and practicing control over their emotions they can finally survive. Some people might find the breakup experience as a permanent nightmare they can't get rid of.

That depends on many factors. Some of them are psychological readiness and the intensity of emotions and love. From one point of view it is a waste of your time to spend it mourning and feeling sorry because you have been dumped. Some people might say that these are natural human feelings that need to be exhausted.

Anyway you need a good plan to get rid of the "Being dumped" feeling and that is what we are going to discuss here.

What you have to do now is the direct opposite of what you feel you want to do. If you feel the urge to call your ex then it is better for you to keep the no contact with him for several weeks. Your ex might now want to experience his new freedom and he will start doing things he wasn't doing while you were with him. After that period of new experiencing flashes out then he might miss you and all the good things you represented in his life. Curiosity might be another factor if you spent a long period of time without contact. He might ask himself why you are not calling or contacting.

If you feel the urge to sit down in your house and be alone all the time then you have to do the exact opposite thing. Go out to new places and meet new people. Gather your friends for a feast or hang out with them in places you have never visited. The fresh air and the new overwhelming experiences and feelings will prevent you from thinking about the past. This is really the cure for your loneliness and depression.

To sum it up you have to gain the momentum in your life and do not waste any other minute crying on your ex or reminiscing about the good old days. Live your day with its new challenges and surprises. Meet new people and experiences, go to new places.

Remember that when your ex boyfriend sees that you still miss him and want him back he will not realize this is a sign of love and passion. Boys almost always see that as a sign of weakness and despair. You do not want to compromise your image in your ex's eyes with these weak and pathetic behaviors.

The True Effects of Divorce

Divorce is known as the dissolution of marriage or the termination of a marital union. This also includes the cancellation of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage. In layman's term, this is basically the separation of two people on several different levels.

Entering the process of divorce can be a stressful event in one's family. Both parties undergo a series of changes that can be devastating to the both of them. Parties may be bitter, or they may feel rejected and cheated. A lot of new arrangements are set in the process of divorce. There is the so-called economic arrangement and the co-parental arrangement that can both add tension to the parties involved.

Many changes happen during divorce. Psychologically, the individuals involved would need to get use to not having the other person around. This is much more difficult in long term marriages since they are obliged to adapt to the fact that the person that they used to be with, on a daily basis, is now not present in their life anymore. Socially, due to being uncomfortable to some people, they may now give up some friends and in turn make new ones. Aside from the stated changes, there are also economical changes that divorced couples also take into consideration. They must split their properties and establish separate households. Husbands may even be required to pay child support, or wives, to some extent.

As stressful as it may seem, divorce is a common process that is undergone by a lot of couples right now. This brings a lot of anxiety and tension to both parties. So before giving yourself a hard time, always think twice.

The Psychological Impact Of Divorce On Kids

It is abominable to hear and talk about divorce. Yet it is the required word in the event of some of the marriages going on the wrong track, though it may create an unpleasant feeling. In whatever way they try, a couple may not be able to reach at a compromise and finally they realize that the only way open to them is a divorce.

Some couples are able to pull their failing relationship back together in if it has been heading to divorce.

If your marriage has been a struggle for the majority of the most recent years, it is very likely that you have utilized every option you could to keep your marriage in tact. You may be aware that couples facing divorce have resources available, ranging from self-help books to couples therapy sessions.

In any case, if the divorce is unavoidable, your primary concern must be the welfare of your children. Below is a list of three typical negative impacts of divorce on a child's psyche:

When a marriage ends up in divorce, the children feel insecurity about their future. All children will experience a time of insecurity during the divorce process, even in rare cases where they support the idea.

The valued possessions of children are their parents, their house and their friends. As your marriage fades, the children may feel like their worlds are being torn apart.

Children just naturally wish for things to return to normal. Due to their wishes for you and your mate to remain together and avoid divorce, children usually just want things to get back like they were. They want things to be what they were before. Do your best to create and restore a sense of normalcy and routine as quickly as possible, is one piece of advice for the parents, no matter how things end up in your marriage

Children are strong and bounce back well, but they often suffer from the pain of divorce. So what's the upside to all of this? Children usually bounce back quickly. They can survive anything, and with counseling the effect of your divorce should be minimal. However, this event will not be forgotten over the years.

If you have not put forth every single effort to keep your marriage in tact, you owe it to yourself, your mate, and your kids to make another effort at maintaining it. Do not initiate divorce proceedings until all possible remedies have been attempted.

The Quickest Way to Get Over Someone - How to Forget About Your Ex

Wishing there is a button you can switch on or off to get rid of memories about your ex? Are you searching for a simple and a quick way to get over someone you loved and left?

The quickest way to get over someone is not that easy. You are a human being and you have emotions. Emotions can't be switched on or off when you desire but fortunately there are ways to reduce the pain, make it quick and harmless.

The first thing you have to do is to make a conscious decision to get over your ex. Some people really do not want to get over the ones they loved and left. So if you do not intend genuinely to get over your ex then this is not for you. Write it down in your agenda or place it in a conspicuous place in your office or house.

Block all the sweet and good memories that might remind you of your ex. You do not want to connect your ex with good things in your mind. This will not be helpful.

Now someone might ask: How can I block memories when everything around me reminds me of my ex? The answer is simple. If you want to forget about your ex and get over him/her then you have to get rid of all the things that remind you of him/her in your life. Remove the pictures, gifts, belongings and settle your unsettled issues. That would be hard at first but will help you make the getting over process faster and more effective.

When you feel you miss your ex then it is better for you to remember the bad things that led to the breakup or divorce. Your ex must have some bad habits, stupid moves or anything else you hate. If these things were not there that means you were with an angel. That might not be true because angels do not live on earth. Search well and you will find a lot of things you hate about your ex.

Now the biggest reason why you can't get over your ex is because you did not fill your life with other things. People usually freeze after a breakup because they do not have anything to do. Their lives were full because they were involved with their partners. So it is now a golden opportunity to reunite with old friends, make new friends, get together with your family, find new hobbies and discover new interests.

The quickest way to get over someone depends on you. If you are keen and dedicated, you will surely do it with the least efforts and in a short time span.

In Child Custody Cases, Do The Courts Still Favor The Mom?

Child custody cases are filling up the courthouses these days because nearly 50% of all marriages end in a divorce. But does that mean that the courts just give custody to the moms still? Not as much as they used to, but it's still a lot harder for dad to get custody of the children than the moms. It used to be a women's court, but dads are quickly gaining ground, which is great for us. This article will give you 3 simple steps you can take to help you (as the dad) in child custody cases.

Keep Track Of Time Spent With Your Child

Every time you hang out with your child make note of it on the calendar. Every school function you go to, mark it down on the calendar. Every bedtime story, every prayer, every soccer game, put it all on the calendar.

The reason you want to log all this information is so you can show your lawyer and the courts exactly how much time you spend with your child and how important you are in his or her life.

Get Affidavits From Friends and Family

An affidavit is simply a written testimony about your character. When I went to court to win custody of my daughter, I had over 27 affidavits. You should have the same amount or more. Here's what you do. Simply ask all your friends, co-workers, relatives and church members to write a testimony about you and why they feel you would be the better care giver for your child.

After you get all the affidavits, go to a Notary Republic and have them sign and stamp each one of the affidavits. The key thing here is you need to do this without your ex-wife finding out. Otherwise she'll catch on and do the same thing. Either way, the more the merrier. Remember, what somebody else says about you is a hundred times more powerful than what you say about you.

Log Every Time She Says Anything Negative About You In Front Of Your Kids

This one sounds a little silly, but it's been proven to be quite effective. Listen, divorces are ugly. And they get uglier when your children are involved. But you need to at all costs, avoid name calling and ugly talk in front of your kids. Odds are, she'll slip up and say some pretty terrible things about you in front of your child. Make a mental note of it, then write it down later.

What this does for you is shows the judge that if she puts you down in front of the kids now, she'll do it later too. And behavior like this will basically put the child against you and make you out to be the bad guy. The last thing you want is for your ex-wife to speak ill of you in front of your kids. This will make you out to be a buffoon and your kids may no longer respect you. Or worse, your kids may end up hating one of you because of it, either way it's a lose/lose situation when that occurs.

Moving On From A Relationship

When a relationship ends, it can be almost as if someone has died. You go through many of the same mourning for your relationship as you would for a person, especially if the relationship was one of many years. When you've determined that it is time to move on, you'll need some time for yourself. Once you've given yourself that time, you should start to reconnect with the positive things in your life. Only after getting this far should you begin to really assess what went wrong, and what you can learn from that.

Give Yourself Some Time

After a breakup, it is important to take some time for yourself. You may decide to simply spend some time alone, or you may want to be with friends, but either way, you need to have some "you" time. Try to spend this time thinking about just about anything but the recently ended relationship.

Doing this will give you some distance from your breakup, which will give you an entirely different perspective. However, don't use this time to start a new relationship. These relationships, known as rebound relationships, rarely survive because they are built on negatives like hurt and loneliness.

Reconnect With The Positive

Going through a bad experience like this, you will naturally have a lot of negative feelings. While this is natural, and not necessarily a bad thing for a short period of time, try not to dwell here. It is important that you begin looking at the positives in your life as soon as you can after the breakup.

Friends and relatives with whom you have a good, positive relationship are going to be important for you during this time. Spending time with them can help you to feel the positive emotions of joy and happiness, and can help break you out of any funk you fall into.

Make a conscious effort not to bring your negativity into these relationships. You will most likely not be completely successful at this, but by consciously trying, you will be better able to catch yourself and stop before you take it too far. Remember that negativity, even when not directed at the person you're with, can have a toxic effect on a relationship.

Assess Your Past Relationships

After some time has passed, you will definitely want to spend some time reflecting on the problems in your recently broken relationship, as well as others in your past. The reason for doing this is to look for patterns of behavior which may be causing you to have problems in these relationships.

Remember, this is not the time to think about what you think was wrong with your partner. If your partner had traits that were very similar to others you've been with in the past, this might help you realize that you are seeking out traits with which you are incompatible, but do not spend this time bashing your ex, since this will do you no good. Take personal responsibility for your part in the breakup, and learn from it.

Recognizing your roll in relationship problems isn't easy, but once you do, you may realize that your relationship may have been salvageable after all. Even if this last one is not, you may want some help understanding what you could have done differently so you can avoid those mistakes in the future.

Psychology of Men and Relationships - What Divorced Women Need to Know

The psychology of men and relationships is a complex subject matter, and so does re-entering the dating world for divorced women over 40. This seems to be a difficult thing to accomplish, particularly for those who have been with the same person for many years. Adjusting to various things after coming out of a failed marriage can be tough, but there's nothing that can't be solved.

For divorced women who are over 40 and want to start dating again, there are a lot of thoughts running through their minds. Some of them may think they are no longer qualified to start dating another person. Others may think at their age, it's already too late for them to meet new acquaintances and begin a new life again, while others believe that dating, as well as love and romance have left the door right after they got divorced due to their age.

If you have this kind of perspective, then you surely won't meet men. You see, as a divorced woman who is thinking of taking another shot at dating, you would be able to offer a lot to the opposite sex, especially when it comes to life experience, and this is the type of attitude that you should possess. So, don't give up on life just because you had a bad run at marriage. What you should do is move on with your life and get things back on track again.

In order to do this, you need first to accept your current status - divorced. There are some things in this world that we have no control of and are bound to fail, so you shouldn't blame yourself for what has happened. If you still are hurting inside, seek the support of your close friends and family members.

After you have opened your eyes to the bitter truth, then it's time to take control of your life again. Hang out with your friends, socialize and meet new acquaintances. Make sure to enjoy and have fun. This will allow you to forget any depressive thoughts you may have.

You may also consider joining free dating websites. This is an excellent way to meet a lot of people of the opposite sex. You can even take up a new hobby and join groups. Not only will you be able to meet guys, but you will also get to learn new things and have fun in the process. Explore all the possibilities out there. Remember, your single again, so sky's the limit.

Of course, if you want to get the attention of other men, it would be a good idea to change some of your features like your hairstyle or wardrobe. It doesn't have to be a major revamp; just enough to attract men. You can even go to the gym and get in shape; anything that would motivate and prove to yourself, you have finally gotten over your divorce, and that you are ready to move on with your life.

Divorced women don't have time to be thinking of psychology of men and relationships, since they have more pressing issues at hand, but they need to understand that in order for them to move on they have to stop living in the past and enjoy their new found single life. Now is the time to start dating again.

Living Together In Divorce - The Effect On The Family Unit

When a husband and wife who are divorcing make a decision to stay living together they need to have a clear view of why they are doing it. It could be they want to first sell their house and settle all their debts.

But another reason many are doing this is for their children.

We all know how the recession has affected families in general with job losses and rising prices. So imagine a husband and wife with a couple of kids trying to navigate their way through a divorce knowing it will put them all in hardship.

They will be concerned for their children's welfare, because if they part and live in separate houses there might not be enough money to support them. Unfortunately marriage break ups do not always come with a warning so most divorcing couples would be stressed out wondering how it will affect their kids.

There are husbands and wives who can get so caught up in their own anger and resentment they forget their children are suffering. Many times they are used in an emotional tug of war where their parents traumatize them as they tear each other apart in custody battles. When a couple stays together during a divorce for the sake of their children they know that all animosity has to be put aside.

Critics of children living with divorcing parents insist that it will delay the grieving process of a child but on the other hand as kids are very resilient they could perhaps be gently eased into the idea of mum and dad eventually parting for good. These children have probably witnessed constant bickering or cold silences while their parents' marriage was imploding. So seeing mum and dad more relaxed and less unhappy would make most kids feel a lot more settled.

Should you tell your children the absolute truth about your new living arrangement? The answer to that is YES. If the children are very young they may not be able to understand so it probably would not be an issue but if they are older they deserve honesty. Do not be surprised if they act like it is not a big deal. Children take things on board, as they see them so if their mom and dad are getting along again they may not blink an eye. It is up to their parents to make the transition when the time comes as pain free as possible.

It is truly amazing how the love of a child can transcend all differences that exist between people.

Many happily married couples with children are on the poverty line because of the recession and it is possibly the cause of many marriages breaking up. The stress of trying to keep the family unit together in these trying times would be more pressure than some people could bear.

As women tend to get custody of their children many men find the concept of being a weekend dad daunting. There are couples living together during and after a divorce because they have both agreed they want to raise their kids together. This version has nothing to do with lack of money it is about two parents who do not want to miss out on their kids growing up. As men are more hands on dads these days they can hardly be blamed for wanting to be there for their kids 7 days a week instead of the usual two.

Children who lose one parent through divorce often acquire physical and psychological problems but it is still unknown if children living with divorcing parents bear any long term scars from the experience. This of course is based on the parents providing an emotionally healthy environment for them to grow in. Critics believe it is impossible for two ex married people living as roommates to do this but for some it is working.

A lot would have to be worked out but if the parents are able to live together in harmony who is to say it is not possible.

Modifying Your Visitation Schedule

When a married couple gets divorced, it is usually the case that one spouse will receive primary custody of the children. In most cases, the other spouse is given visitation rights that provide him or her with time to visit the couple's children. This schedule is usually set by the same court that authorized the divorce.

In some cases, parents may find that their circumstances change and that they need to modify the times when they are allowed to see their children. For the non-custodial parent, there are two options.

The first option is working out an unofficial agreement with the custodial parent. While this has the advantage of avoiding court fees and hassle, it is important to note that these unofficial agreements are not enforceable should the custodial parent change his or her mind about the agreement.

The second option is petitioning the court that set the schedule. In these cases, individuals will need experienced family law lawyers to fight on their behalves. To get a visitation schedule modified legally, the petitioning parent will have to prove that there is a substantial change in circumstances.

What the court accepts as a change in circumstances will usually depend on the specific court. In most cases though, issues such as moving away are more likely to yield a modification than smaller issues like a change in a work schedule.

There is no guarantee that a visitation schedule will be modified, but hiring an experienced lawyer to handle the case can certainly increase the chances. Since individuals have to go to court for legal changes, it is important to have an individual well versed in family law on your side.

Re-Claim Your Ex-Husband's Heart

What man hasn't forgotten to put the toilet seat down every now and then? That's certainly no reason to flush an entire relationship. After taking some time to experience the quality of the other "fish in the sea", you've decided that your ex-husband wasn't so bad after all. So now you find yourself asking, "How do I get my ex-husband back"?

The first thing to do is honestly and openly evaluate what caused the failed marriage in the first place. Was it you who caused the divorce, was your ex-husband responsible, or maybe you both share the blame? If he was to blame, you must have already come to terms with the situation, or you wouldn't be wanting him back. If you were responsible, will your ex-husband accept your apologies and be able to forgive and forget? What kind of marriage did you have before the events that led to the divorce? Will each of you be able to look deep into your heart and remember the feelings of happiness and joy brought about by the good things in your failed marriage? Will you both be able to look past the low points? Has enough water passed under the bridge to enable healing if there were any sins that may have occurred? There is no doubt that time does heal all wounds.

And don't forget, if the two of you brought children into your marriage, they must be at the forefront of any decisions that you make. If the children would be happy to have their father back in the home, and if it would be in their best interest to have him back, then by all means let them help you make your case. Just be careful if and when you involve the children, as your efforts could backfire if your ex-husband feels you are using the kids to influence him. If you are currently on speaking terms why not try to arrange a get together in a nice quiet place where you and the ex-husband can meet without feeling threatened in any way. You might try choosing a place that triggers pleasant memories for both of you.

If your ex-husband questions your motivations for wanting to get together, position it as a meeting of importance for the entire family. A meeting that cannot be best served by a telephone conversation. Be sure you know exactly what you want to say. You might even make yourself an outline similar to that of a business presentation.The reality of the matter is that this meeting is actually more important than any business meeting you'll ever attend. Rehearse what you want to say and be sure you can speak your mind without hesitation, just do your best to be genuine with your delivery.

Be sure that you can verbalize a list of reasons why you feel it is beneficial for both of you to get back together. You could propose a trial period in which you could both test the waters without being tied to a firm commitment. If your ex-husband was to blame for the failed marriage be sure to communicate your unconditional forgiveness. If you were to blame be sure to offer your sincerest apologies and ask your ex-husband for forgiveness.

If he accepts your request for a meeting you've taken a huge first step towards reconciliation. This is a sign that he harbors no serious resentments towards you and is willing to consider your best interest. If your ex-husband was seriously hurt and is resentful, he will probably not consider a meeting. Be sure not to do, or say anything that may make it seem that you are begging, pleading or otherwise trying to take advantage of his good nature. He would probably see through this behavior immediately making it more difficult for you to connect with him on a deeper level. If a meeting is out of the question for whatever reason you could enlist the help of a third party. A religious figure such as a priest, pastor, rabbi, etc would be the obvious place to start. If you are not a religious couple, try to involve a mutual friend or family member, and ask them to speak for you.

Your ex-husbands parents could be important advocates for you if you had a good relationship with them during your marriage. Don't hesitate to ask them for help if you need it. The bottom line is to be creative in your approach while at the same time being genuine in your reasons for wanting to reconcile.

How to Attract Younger Women: A Divorced Man's Guide

Whether you are a young man looking for love or an older divorcee trying to get back into the game; it is always helpful to have a guidebook on how to approach and attract women. The approach is critical to success in building a relationship with women; to do so it is important to understand the psyche of a young woman.

Unlike their older counterparts, younger women are not as concerned with financial security and the future. They prefer men with an edge that are mysterious and less predictable. They love a bit of uncertainty; it attracts them like bees to honey.

It's important to leave an air of mystery about yourself. Don't tell them about your life story the first time you meet. It's important to have them wondering about that certain mystique surrounding you. Remember women like intrigue. Translation: be vague at times and never be eager to tell them everything about yourself.

Confidence, Confidence, Confidence
Approaching a woman can be a very daunting task. Confidence is integral to the development of the skill of how to approach women. Confidence equals courage, which is needed when you want to get in the dating game after a hiatus.

Newly divorced men may feel they are outdated and out of touch with younger women. They feel that there is no way that a young woman would be interested in them, but this is exactly the opposite.

Divorced men are very desirable among younger women; they are more experienced and therefore have more wisdom and depth to them.

Younger women enjoy spontaneity in men. Don't be afraid to act a bit playful around a young woman. Take her to the amusement park or a carnival. Have fun with her.

Even if you are several years older than her she doesn't want to feel like she's visiting her grumpy uncle at the nursing home. Display your youthful exuberance. As an older man, you can be the perfect blend of wisdom and mystery with a dash of excitement.

What Women Want
Women like what other women have. So if you had other women around you, it might attract even more women to you. The relationships of these women to you doesn't matter; they could be simply friends or acquaintances.

The main point is that they are with you; this makes you seem desirable in the eyes of the other women. In other words, it increases your value in their eyes. If you don't have female friends, go out and make some. Have fun, enjoy yourself and interact with them; this will help in understanding of how to attract women.

Go to clubs, parties and other outings with your younger female friends and acquaintances. This shows other women that you have been socially accepted by young women and increases the likelihood of them approaching you.

Whether you approach a women or she approaches you, remember that confidence is key. Don't act too eager to meet her and don't reveal your innermost secrets. She must think that she has more to gain from being with you.

Divorced men may feel like they need to be taught how to attract women; they simply need to be adventurous, take risks, and show her that you are spontaneous.

Remember to enjoy yourself with your female friends when out in a public setting. A funny-loving man is always attractive and desirable. You should no longer need advice on how to attract women; so if opportunity knocks, open the door. A beautiful woman could be waiting for you to let her in.