Singles socialise too. Being half of a couple involves you in opportunities to socialise with each other's friends and family, each other's work colleagues and sports teams, club members etc. Being single simply means that you socialise with your own circle of friends, your family, though some people manage to maintain relationships with their ex-partner's family, your work colleagues, your sports or other club contacts.
Children can be a great help to establishing a new social network, encourage them to invite their friend's home, make an effort to meet their friend's parents, invite them in for coffee when they collect their children.
Becoming single is a great opportunity to review your life, remember what you thought you'd like to do but never had time for, get in touch with who you are and what you are interested in. You have to ask yourself if you would rather spend your life pleasing yourself or being half of a partnership that wasn't pleasing anybody.
I have a friend who began to study archaeology and now spends 2 months of every year on excavations in Turkey, the rest of the time she is a contract nurse for a private health care company. She takes care of single people on their discharge from hospital after major surgery.
Before her divorce she worked night shifts in the local hospital, her ex-husband worked days and they shared the child care between their shifts. Looking back, she says, it's no wonder they divorced, they hardly ever spent any time together, and he occupied his evenings with more than childcare. However, I digress.
Archaeology was a lifelong interest and divorce was the opportunity to change her life, her job and make some time to pursue her interests. Her children live with her most of the time but when she travels they go to stay with their father.
Following an interest has opened up a wide range of social opportunities for this lady.
Accept invitations - even if you don't feel like it.? Never forget that life moves very fast, your friends will be over your divorce far quicker than you will. While your situation is fresh in their minds they will invite you to join them and meet new people. If you constantly refuse, you will drop off their radar. Accept every invitation and return the compliment within the month. People enjoy being asked out and it doesn't have to cost much. You can invite your friends to your place for coffee and homemade scones, you don't have to cook up a gourmet dinner. Invite them to come for dessert and coffee and watch a film.
Visit several health clubs or gyms, check out the age group and types of people that use them, find one that you are comfortable with and join - especially if it has a coffee bar attached. Go at the same time every week for a while then change your time for a couple of weeks or add in another session. Go back to your old time and make conversation with the original group, this way you can double your contacts.
A word of caution, be careful of looking for friends online unless you go through a reputable company. There are more and more stories around of people making friends on line and then being asked to help their new friend in some way- usually by sending money!? Which of course they never see again, and suddenly the friend is no longer available to chat!?
There are also people who use dating sites and agencies for devious purposes. Many people following divorce have very quickly become involved in a new relationship only to find that after a couple of years it's all over and they are losing half their possessions and property all over again.
The internet does provide opportunities to meet new friends - just be careful.
You do have to push yourself quite hard to get out there and build up your social life, these are just a few tips to get you started, the important thing is to get started!
I heard of one man that spent a lot of time in airport bars, he reckoned that people on the move were more willing to chat. They have time on their hands, it's not unusual to be alone in an airport and you can always talk about flight times, delays etc. His line was that he was waiting for his daughter. He collected phone numbers and email addresses from some of the people he met and did make some friends.
Have faith in yourself, you are still the same person you were before you got married. Treat your divorce as an opportunity to live life the way you want it.?
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