You become co-parents the moment you decide to divorce. For the upbringing of the kids, an agreement has to be devised in a friendly legal separation too. Your children should come before anything else, regardless of whatever bad feelings you have towards the other parent, because this is important for co-parenting.
One of the most important things after a divorce is to find out if you can discuss co-parenting with your spouse. It's excellent if you are sure of doing it. If the two of you are working towards presenting a united front, you will forge the strongest agreements. If you are not comfortable with the topic co-parenting, then avoid it completely. With regard to co-parenting discussions, mediators or therapists may provide professional assistance to both of you. It has to be executed perfectly as it is very essential.
Make sure your divorce agreement includes all the important issues instead of trying to improvise privately. Your co-parenting will improve if you pay attention to detail now. A good divorce lawyer will insist upon very detailed and comprehensive child custody guidelines. Failure to do this will most likely result in a variety of future issues that include parental misunderstandings, unexpected court dates and additional attorney fees.
Keep the exchange of money to the very minimum - do not make an attempt to split children expenses 50/50. Rather, be sure you write down all the future expenses for which you'll be responsible so that after the divorce, you know what the two of you will have to pay for in terms of your children. You can't expect everything to be evenly split. However, remember that things will sort themselves out over the years. Parents need to sit down and restructure who pays what. If you can't talk about this, you need to bring in a professional to help.
When you bring those close to you together for the first time, it is best to prepare in advance. If the divorce is on account of infidelity, it becomes a sensitive issue. The aspect needs to be looked into to avoid complication later.
Even if there are no obvious parent-child problems, schedule post-divorce meetings with each other just to discuss how the children are managing. If things are going well, they can always be canceled; but, when the opposite is true, they remain imperative.
Although it's been repeated over and over, I feel it's very important to emphasize the usefulness of trained professionals when dealing with co-parenting problems. This can prevent a lot of grief, save you money, and allow your children to continue to grow with the love and stability of two parents.
Finally, co-parenting after a divorce is a difficult thing to do. It requires commitment, versatility, and sometimes conceding for your kids' sake. I have discussed some of the seemingly insignificant problems with divorced parents during my course of private practice. When I questioned them about why they can't do it by themselves, I hear three typical responses. "We had to come to an agreement or take it to trial, and we really don't comprehend the terms we agreed to." "We felt that we'd be able to resolve it ourselves, yet we can't talk without arguing." "We never received any advise on this matter from our attorneys" In order to become good parents, you need to do what is in the best interest of your kids, even sacrificing your personal interests.
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