Divorced Dads - Beware of Dating Too Soon After Divorce

Think dating after divorce will help you get over your feelings of loneliness? Think again! This is one time where proceeding with caution is important and the consequences of not doing so have long-lasting repercussions. You need to think between your ears as the consequences of dating too soon after a divorce can be costly for a divorced dad. As a divorced dad, I understand how lonely it can be. However, what I failed to understand was the affect the divorce had on my children. I only focused on my own needs and did not take theirs into account. My children had not even begun to adjust yet I was more concerned about me. I failed to realize that their whole world had changed. I started to date way too soon after divorce and the consequences are with me today. Fast forward 15 years. My children are grown up and absolutely detest the woman I dated when they were first adjusting to the divorce. But she is the person I now share my life with. It has been the best yet worst relationship over the years; the best love relationship yet the worst when the family dynamics with the children are added to the equation. Blood is thicker than a remarriage and this is where I kick myself for having dated too soon after divorce. Here are some tips so you can avoid the same mistake.

Communicate with your children - tell your children that they are loved, special, and could never be replaced. Ask your children what makes them happy. Have a conversation about the importance of having friends. Ask them what they do when they stop being friends with someone. Ask them how they feel when this happens. Try to relate your marriage dissolution to losing a best friend. Ask them if they would stay without friends forever. Explain that it is the same with Dad and Mom. Dads are sad when they have lost friends and just like you, Dad will find new friends too.Be honest - When you have found a new friend, let your children know. Do not sneak around. Also let your new friend know that you are a divorced dad. Tell her how special your children are to you and that they can never be replaced. You are being honest with her and she will know where she fits into your life. You want someone who respects your role as a Dad and will be supportive when you have challenges. If she does not understand this, cut your losses before the relationship gets too serious. There are plenty of women available that will understand this and that you will have great chemistry with.Use good judgment - Would you let your kids have a sleepover when they just met someone? Wouldn't you want them to get to know their friends? Would you let your children live with these friends? I know it is different but it is the same logic to kids. Children are looking at you to be an example. Be disciplined to practice what you preach. Allow yourself the time to heal from your divorce, date when you feel ready, and then let the relationship unfold. Take your time.

Divorce leaves you lonely but the pain goes away. If you date too soon and do not follow my tips, your pain will be ongoing. Think from your children's perspective. Communicate your feelings to them and to the women you date. If you are always honest and use good judgment, you will never be lonely.