When You Let Go of Resentment - You Let Go of the Pain of Divorce

When you give the best years of your life to someone you love deeply, it is very hard to swallow the truth that your ex left you to move on to even better years with someone else after your divorce. Or perhaps you spent your life slaving away to support a deadbeat spouse who later files for divorce and takes a high paying position where they pamper a younger wife who never has to lift a finger. Yes, the pain of divorce hurts.

So you start to become resentful. Now, there is always something to harbor resentment against if you choose to do so. It doesn't matter how many years you were married or how long it has been since the divorce. When you see your ex moving on to a great life with someone else or doing something completely different it is hard not to feel disrespected and wronged.

Even if you are doing exciting things now and there is a lot going on in the new life, you are not happy. It's all superficial. Why? Because you are filled with anger and resentment.

There are a few problems with holding onto resentment:

1. It causes you to cling to the past rather than looking forward.
2. It keeps you focused on your ex instead of focusing on yourself.
3. It keeps the pain of the divorce alive.

Resentment is not about your ex or about the reasons of divorce. Resentment is about your inability to forgive. Resentment is like a poison, and it robs you of peace of mind. It makes you feel stressed out and anxious. It eats away at your insides.

You may think that you are moving forward, especially if you have a new love interest or are always busy doing things, but, the truth is that if you are still eaten up inside because you know your ex is out there living a great life with someone else or otherwise moving on without you, then at least a part of you is still trapped - needlessly.

As long as you are focused on what your ex is doing you will not be able to focus properly on what you should be doing. There has to come a point where you have to let it go! STOP putting so much energy into what he is doing and just focus on yourself!

It doesn't matter what he's doing this weekend. It matters what you are doing. If your plans include stalking him on Facebook or calling up old friends to get the dirt on his new life, then you are holding yourself back from doing great things with your own life.

Divorce is painful and you have a legitimate right to feeling hurt or even downright disrespected and wronged. It might not be fair that he gets to move on to enjoy a happy life after the things he said and did to you. You are right to feel as you do.

Here's the catch: as Earl Nightingale said, "the world does not care!" Life will go on for everyone around you, and you will still be stuck in your resentment. In all probability, while you may not see it, your ex is also going through the pain of divorce. He may mask it with bravado since he has made the decision to leave, but he feels it nevertheless!

The best way to move on from the pain of a divorce and stop looking back is to start with forgiveness. Resentment and anger hold you back - forgiveness will set your soul free.

Only then you can lead a fulfilling life that you find rewarding and enjoyable, not a superficial one. Be your own definition of success and his success may seem a lot less important.