Moving On From A Relationship

When a relationship ends, it can be almost as if someone has died. You go through many of the same mourning for your relationship as you would for a person, especially if the relationship was one of many years. When you've determined that it is time to move on, you'll need some time for yourself. Once you've given yourself that time, you should start to reconnect with the positive things in your life. Only after getting this far should you begin to really assess what went wrong, and what you can learn from that.

Give Yourself Some Time

After a breakup, it is important to take some time for yourself. You may decide to simply spend some time alone, or you may want to be with friends, but either way, you need to have some "you" time. Try to spend this time thinking about just about anything but the recently ended relationship.

Doing this will give you some distance from your breakup, which will give you an entirely different perspective. However, don't use this time to start a new relationship. These relationships, known as rebound relationships, rarely survive because they are built on negatives like hurt and loneliness.

Reconnect With The Positive

Going through a bad experience like this, you will naturally have a lot of negative feelings. While this is natural, and not necessarily a bad thing for a short period of time, try not to dwell here. It is important that you begin looking at the positives in your life as soon as you can after the breakup.

Friends and relatives with whom you have a good, positive relationship are going to be important for you during this time. Spending time with them can help you to feel the positive emotions of joy and happiness, and can help break you out of any funk you fall into.

Make a conscious effort not to bring your negativity into these relationships. You will most likely not be completely successful at this, but by consciously trying, you will be better able to catch yourself and stop before you take it too far. Remember that negativity, even when not directed at the person you're with, can have a toxic effect on a relationship.

Assess Your Past Relationships

After some time has passed, you will definitely want to spend some time reflecting on the problems in your recently broken relationship, as well as others in your past. The reason for doing this is to look for patterns of behavior which may be causing you to have problems in these relationships.

Remember, this is not the time to think about what you think was wrong with your partner. If your partner had traits that were very similar to others you've been with in the past, this might help you realize that you are seeking out traits with which you are incompatible, but do not spend this time bashing your ex, since this will do you no good. Take personal responsibility for your part in the breakup, and learn from it.

Recognizing your roll in relationship problems isn't easy, but once you do, you may realize that your relationship may have been salvageable after all. Even if this last one is not, you may want some help understanding what you could have done differently so you can avoid those mistakes in the future.